Crossroads – Left, right, straight ahead…or backwards.
There comes a point in everyone’s lives, and for some this can be an on-going thing, where you come to a kind of crossroads and you are left with the daunting decision of which direction you want to go. Only problem is, is your not quite sure which way that is and rather than make, what could potentially be a bad choice, you just freeze yourself to the spot and refuse to move, forfeiting all and any decision making…just to be on the safe side. Now you may think that you are saving yourself a whole lot of trouble by NOT doing anything and feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but experience has taught me…that feeling will soon dissipate a hell of a lot quicker than you want it too.
I have spent a considerably large portion of my life constantly coming to these points and quite frankly I can’t help but roll my eyes every time I realise – ‘Oh no…not again’ – I’ve grown to hate these moments and it’s only because I know what I do when I reach these pinnacles of change that effect my life. I hesitate… And as result of that hesitation it allows all my insecurities that I have carried with me since I was a kid, teenager and adult, hinder my judgment and my ability to make the correct decision.
I wish I was able to hold my head up and just step forward and say – “I’m going this way…” – and then just go! Ok, maybe I should give myself a little more credit as I could be kinda exaggerating a little – lol – but anybody who has been in this position before, knows what I’m talking about. When you have spent the vast majority of your life hearing someone say to “You will never amount to anything!” or “You’re just useless and nobody will want you.“, it’s any wonder these particular crossroad moments are hard to deal with. You have to fight down the voice of doom in order to see a clear path and sometimes you lose that fight and whatever opportunity was out there is lost to you and who knows when it will come around again.
I am at a crossroads so to speak and yes I have done battle with the dreaded mind voice of doom and gloom and each time I do go one on one with it, it fades out a little more, something I am particularly happy about. I have one or two opportunities I can take advantage of and both opportunities have the potential to produce some spectacular results – and it’s not a question of which one do I choose, it’s more of a question of how can I do them both. And why would I want to do them both? Because both opportunities will not only help me, but they can also help others. I’m like anyone else, if there is an opportunity to share something with someone, then I will. I love helping people, it’s what brings me the most satisfaction in life. I was once told I should be a teacher, but unfortunately I’m not sure that profession would work out so well.
Even though I’m a little hesitant to take the plunge and move forward, I have this feeling that if I do so too quickly, I’m going to miss something or someone so for now…I’m going to stand still for a little while and see who comes wandering my way and how will I know? As that age old saying goes “You’ll know it when you see it“.
travelbugNZ
Last night while trolling the vastness that is the internet I came across a guy called Yaro Starak who is the author of Entrepreneurs-Journey.com blog and of course I came to this guys site through a link of a link and so on….anyway! Him and this guy called Gideon Shalwick put together this thing called a Roadmap To Become A Blogger and its this really awesome like steps to successful blogging using proven methods that have helped them and others become well paid bloggers (if thats your thing) and I’m currently still reading the PDF I downloaded – which you can get here at becomeablogger.com – and basically it shows you…I guess…the right way to blog. And so far, what I have read has been an eye opener.
I have a very bad, very very bad, blog track record. I mean, I have been through so many blogs like they were men. Probably not the best metaphor to use but there it is anyway. I have started and deleted over a dozen or more blogs and since I have been reading Yaro and Gideon’s – Roadmap to Blogging – it’s any wonder I fail miserably. I have found there are a lot of things I love to do, but they are NOT things I could write about till the cows come home. And by answering one simple question from the Roadmap, there are only a handful of things I am passionate about. And as a result, travelbugnz.wordpress.com was born. This blog is in the process of the usual set-up motions and has no content yet. But keep checking in, good things are happening!
If there is one thing in this world I love to do and that is to travel. More specifically, I love to travel New Zealand. This fair country of ours has always had me in awe of it and each time I travel to destinations unknown, I get to see the beauty of our magnificent country in all it’s fabulous glory and believe me, New Zealand has some spectacular places tucked away outside of the usual tourist spots. Since I love traveling the countryside, coupled with the fact I get all excited about it and love to tell people of my adventures…it is the perfect thing to write about. Why? Because I could write and write and write. Who knows maybe someone wanting to travel NZ will find it useful – stranger things have happened. So rather than struggle to find something to write about on my other blogs, I think I will kill them off and write about stuff that is more – how would you say…ME.
This blog here is a personal blog, one I can write anything to, how I’m feeling, thoughts etc so this is a keeper. Travel Bug NZ – is going to my adventure blog. And even though I haven’t traveled in awhile, I’ve traveled enough of NZ to be able to write about it. And if I have too, I guess I can blog about our fair country while I’m on my honeymoon with the greatest man alive. 4 weeks in a camper van traveling New Zealand is my kind of honeymoon.
The World Outside My Window
Its been one of those mornings where everything started out really good only to fall flat on its face by lunchtime. The weather is sooo hot out right now, its fabulous, but at the same time its like ‘Oh my god, I’m dying‘. I’m on my 5th bottle of water and sitting under the air con – slash – heat pump thingy that is attached to the wall of the dining room. One word to describe this contraption would be BLISS! I mean, my God! This thing is an eye-sore to say the least and I’m kinda waiting for it to fall off the wall and smash into iddy biddy little pieces on the floor but I will not lie…this thing, is heaven. And NO, we didn’t buy the air/heat con thingy, we just moved into the right house. And to prove that its hotter than a MF…
View from the back door – see its hot!
Very hot and dry with a hint of green
I must confess, I haven’t been blogging lately and I don’t have any real excuse to use so I’m just going to say – I’ve been very lazy – and when I look at it, I haven’t been doing much artwork either. Don’t get me wrong, I have idea’s clogging up my brain believe me, I just haven’t felt compelled to purge those idea’s onto my PC screen. Although I really should think about doing that, it would be nice to sleep the sleep of the dead rather than dream about things that go bump in the night. One of the pitfalls of having an over active mind but on the other hand…it’s also one of the upsides for producing many of the pieces I have created. Oh well, can’t have everything!
January is almost gone and not much has really happened but I don’t really mind that at all, I’m kinda enjoying the slow start to the year. I mean, I don’t know about you guys but I definitely prefer to herald in the New Year with an air of casualness rather than a hiss and a roar. That way it gives me a chance to get my head around the important things like…what I’m going to be doing for the next 11 months, where I’m going, projects, goals, plans etc. I’m not one of those people who dive’s into everything head first and with their eye’s closed for that matter. I’d rather not come out the other end with a foot in my ass and a massive headache to boot.
But anyway, one of my goals for this year is to be more positive…about everything and I know your probably thinking – “Great! Another whack job jumping on the gravy train of positivity. Yaay, that’s all this world needs.” – Well, screw you and YES! I have read that it takes 21 days to develop a habit and apparently 21 days to kill a craving but don’t quote me on that last one. I could very well be talking out my ass right there. I probably am but I’m not going to admit it. Sooo, I ‘m thinking it’s time to kick some of my more nastier habits to the curb and look at developing some more healthier ones. Oh man, that last sentence did not put me in a very flattering light – LOL – no harm ever came of trying to make your world look a little brighter.
And right now…bright is good.
The Call Of The Open Road
One of the things I loved about being in my late teens and twenties was the out-of-the-blue road trips, I had the joy of embarking on with friends. When I was calling Auckland my home, road trips were almost a yearly occurrence and they were the kind of trips that were very…spur of the moment. Nothing beats exploring our awesome little country and traveling to destinations unknown looking for stories to tell everyone back home or until we finally realised, that all the money we had between us has dried up and done its dash. If we were lucky and sometimes we were, our parents or significant others would look kindly upon us and feed our bank accounts enough cash for the trip home but mostly…those occasions were far and few and a week of travel sometimes turned into a couple of weeks of mashing grapes or picking fruit.
Those were the best kinds of trips and the most roughest. Don’t get me wrong I’m one of those girls that’s like to be pampered and if I can help not having to rough it, I will definitely avoid it like the plague.
On those occasions where money was a figment of our imaginations, and we didn’t have the luxury of fruit to fall back on, we had to resort to using our noggans to rustle up some dosh. We found much to our behest that our city-folk gears were quite the money maker even though parting with them was its own form of torture and a most horrible kind, where a pair of $250 Adidas shoes went for a measly $90 or even less which was down right sacrilege and extortion. If anyone ever says that small town folk are push overs…think again! They laid waste to our shocking bartering skills.
And way back when we didn’t have the modern gadgetry that we have now, cellphones were out of the question and well…they weren’t really cellphones in a sense, they were great big whopping hunks of plastic commonly called the ‘brick‘ that could do some serious damage when wielded like a madman. Camera’s were a definite luxury for those that could afford them or had parents willing to lend them. So the trip and all its scenic beauty and shenanigans were burned into our brains to savor and reminisce as the years wore on.
The most amazing thing was, no matter how many times we did these trips, we were always, always gob-smacked at the beauty of our fair little country and understood immediately why people from all over the world flocked to our shores. And you felt humbled that you could just jump in a car or van and enjoy the unspoiled treasures that were plentiful without having to pay the huge costs but you definitely felt lucky as shit to experience the magnificence whenever you were able at a fraction of the price. And it made everything so much worthwhile when stumbled upon those rare gems of amazing beauty, serenity and friendliness of the locals to keep going back for more whenever the chance presented itself.
But like most trips sometimes the best part was going home, back to familiar ground, partners, long hot showers and your own comfortable bed.
A collection of photos from our last road trip
to the central districts of the North Island
Small New Zealand Town
Back in the day, when I was donning the JAFA hat, nothing beat sitting at a window seat of the Robert Harris cafe in downtown Auckland looking down onto Queen Street, while enjoying a hearty English breakfast before kicking off my day. Living in Auckland back in the 90’s was a breeze and brought with it all kinds of experiences both good and bad. Given most of those were of the not so nice persuasion, there is probably nothing about them I would change.
Many years on, down in the far regions of the South Island in the Edinburgh of NZ, more commonly known as Dunedin, I had found a profound kind of solace and wholeness when I made Dunedin my home and swore black and blue I was never going to leave. I was home and as the saying goes – “Home is where the heart is” and my heart soared at being back in the south where memories from my childhood flooded my brain and brought tears to my eyes.
I never ever considered leaving the city because well…it was where my life, friends, dreams were and there was nowhere else, as far as I was concerned, that could make me happy. It was a kind of tunnel vision way to look at life and there was an element of selfishness that chaffed at my partners khaki’s and when push came to shove, became a very hard hurdle to come to terms with, when I had to whisper my goodbyes to a city that made up the sum of my childhood years.
Nowadays you can find me enjoying my mornings sitting outside a small New Zealand town Takeaway and Bakery, sipping a cup of fabulous hot chocolate and nibbling away at a freshly baked quiche, reading one of the many district papers that get delivered to our mailboxes, enjoying the quiet country life. This time we are in the North Island of NZ in the Kaipara District nesting in a town we now call ‘home’.
I’ll have to be honest, small towns have not been on my list of ultimate destinations to set-up and live out the rest of my days in a kind of blissful reverie. In fact, the only good things about small towns for me in the past was either passing through them or stopping and enjoying the quaintness and poking about until the life returned to one’s rear end or having a bite to eat before heading off into the sunset again…watching the town slowly disappear in the rear vision mirror, thankful that I don’t live there.
But as it goes I have learnt there are some towns that just get under your skin and as much as you want to say “sayonara sunshine” there’s a part of you that just can’t bear to leave. Regardless of the fact that you can justify the move 10 ways to China and back, it always feels like your making a very bad decision. The reality is small towns have something that cities don’t and that’s heart as well as a sense of community, people know your name, smile and wave. They are places where new directions, new idea’s, new experiences are made of, where friendships are forged for life, and where life is virtually stress free but the best thing about small towns is you wonder what the heck took you so long to arrive.
Have You Ever Wondered….?
Yesterday while enjoying the a day at the Races in Ruakaka, a thought kind of hit me as my line of sight was invaded by a couple who were more interested in each other than the horses zipping past them. It made me smile to see them enjoying each others company and being so…I don’t know…happily in love. It made me think about how lucky I was so I reached over and gave my man’s thigh a gentle squeeze whilst giving him the…eyebrows (^_^). Within that few seconds of turning my head, the couple had managed to get to the point where shouting “Get a room!” was very much on the verge of spilling forth from my mouth. But seeing how their DOA’s wasn’t bothering anyone else I decided to stay silent and divert my eyes, least I wanted to be looked upon as some kind of voyeuristic pervert.
As we bought our racing fun to a close and said goodbye to our friends, we headed off to Waipu for some glorious pizza of the Globetrotter kind. While waiting for our order a group of four made themselves comfortable at the table opposite us and as I watched them settle in I couldn’t help but wonder what goes through peoples minds when they are looking for their potential partners.
This is something I would pay good money to find out. If I was able to ask the question without anyone getting offended or feel like their privacy was being invaded I WOULD ASK IT! I’m very interested in what draws two people together and whether or not people have like a mental checklist that they go through while sizing up potential partners. What are the yay’s and nay’s that a person must possess? Are there superficial and shallow reasons involved as to why you are attracted to a certain man or woman? Or is it that you are more about personality than material things?
What is it? PLEASE feel free to leave a comment below as to what attracts you to a potential partner or what it was that attracted you to your current one. It can be simple as “It was the color of his eyes. They were like eyes of rain”. For me? That’s what is was all about when I met my man while on my lunch break at the park. It was those eyes of rain and that killer smile. Had me in the first five minutes before he even opened his mouth to say “Hi”.
Pfft! 2010 Is Where It’s All At…
Thank God…2009 is over, I mean seriously! What a fucked up year. I mean don’t get me wrong, it had its good moments but damn, I am definitely glad to see the arse end of it. Roll on with the 2010 bringing in a fresh new and clean slate. So many things happened in 2009 that I am proud of and then there are things that I wish I could just, scratch them out of my brain and bury them in the ground…deeep in the ground…forever.
But anyway, moving along and onward…
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One of the things I love about heralding in the New Year is the chance to do those things that you wish you could have done the previous year but never had the kahuna’s to do. These things are usually “ideas” which are centered around bringing in more of that much needed dosh to help us live, because God knows…living is a good thing. It gives us the chance to put into play some of those far out idea’s that our brains spawned – in the wee hours of the night/morning sitting at the kitchen table wondering how in the hell we were going to pay the bills – in the hopes of cracking that winning combination or Saturday lotto ticket.
Oh yeah that’s right, idea’s that crack it big are the stuff dreams are made of – the kind of ideas that make us wake up with a big smile on our faces, because we took the plunge and voila! My ass is living in Coopers Beach in a million dollar beach side home watching the waves roll in from the balcony while sipping champagne with the hubby – Oooh you know you want a piece of that apple pie!!
2010 is also the year where we really kinda need to let sleeping dogs lie and free ourselves from the tedious and melodramatic bullshit that plagued us in 2009. You know, just shake it off bury the hatchet and get on with life. Life is meant to be LIVED godammit!, not pissed away wasting our time and energy on shit that is trivial because its time and energy we can’t get back…no matter how hard we try, it’s just not going to happen…ever. So we move on with our heads held high and our thoughts on the glorious things that are going to happen for us in 2010.
Its a bit like myself. I have some crazy ass idea’s that I’m going to put into play and Real Town is where I’m doing it. Albeit a small…very small…township, I like to think of Real Town as my own personal incubator for all the hair-brained scheme’s I have floating around in my head. Some are feasible while others are…yeah…not so much. But the fact of the matter is 2010 is my designated year to make positive shit start to happen for me and mine from here to the end of days. And while I’m making shit happen…I’m going to be having shit loads of F.U.N. That’s right! Look out 2010…I’m coming for yah…
